New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
