I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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