So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
