hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
