Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
