we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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