Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
