Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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