I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
