Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
