This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
