im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
