I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
