I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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