Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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