it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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