Already got asked if we're dating
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
