Screwed.edu
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ttyl tear gas
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
