508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
