I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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