So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
