It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
