Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
