The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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