maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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