It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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