Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
