I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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