need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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