Please, let me fuck your mom
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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