Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
