I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And then he peed in my hair
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
