You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
