dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
