Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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