my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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