nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can you bring me the toilet please
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
