The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
