is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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