I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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