That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I will be naked everywhere
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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