Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
