I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
