He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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