i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I could make wine with my vomit
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
