i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
