No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my liver is dry heaving
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
