She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
