I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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