dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
