I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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