You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Bring me that man meat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
