remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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