Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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